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Wednesday 12th November
Is Russell Brand even more like marmite since Manuelgate? I'd never had a strong opinion before the radio debacle but since then I've watched him in Forgetting Sarah Marshall and he was actually very amusing. I can't help feeling sorry for the chap, working in a country where thousands of people went out of their way to be offended by his prank which cost the fella his job. That's not nice is it? (I think only 4 people complained to the beeb originally). Still, he'll find something else for sure. From Radio 2 to BBC 2, I really enjoyed last night's Horizon: How Mad Are You? and all the questions it brought up, like why do we classify mental illness the way we do and what effect does giving someone such a label have on how they interact with world? It's the only thing that's kept me up (and awake!) past 10pm since before baby girl was born 8 weeks ago. The programme is like a revamped version of Rosenhan's* infamous study where he and other sane psychologists successfully attempted to get themselves committed to a psychiatric ward and then couldn't get out again. Scary stuff. I think it's a six parter every Tuesday, 9pm on BBC2.
* David L. Rosenhan, “On Being
Sane in Insane Places,” Science, Vol. 179 (Jan. 1973), 250-258.
Wednesday 1st October
Having spent 48 hours in hospital after the birth of our daughter (Artemis Bea Chivers, September 13th, 3.1kg) I'm adding NHS catering to Room 101 (see last month's post). How can they expect people to get well on refined carbs and fluorescent sauces (that'd be white pasta in tomato sauce with a white bread roll and a sugary yoghurt)? It's the accountants' fault I tell you. Thank goodness for husband bringing green things, albeit at the cost of £3.50 in parking every time he came (that's another contender for Room 101). I thought hospitals were about getting people well and given that food is a major determinant of human health, shouldn't we be nourishing minds and bodies with all the right stuff? Would it be too much for hospitals to offer a choice of two good quality dishes at every meal instead of 10 options of reheated, over-processed crap that they serve up? Come on NHS, you can do better. If it wasn't for chasing a toddler and breast-feeding a newborn every two hours I might be thinking about starting a campaign whilst I'm on maternity leave. Want to join me?
Wednesday 3rd September
Who decides what's hot or not? You know the trend barrometers that appear in the front pages of most magazines these days where some celebrity or another is in or out of favour, along with a food item and a piece of clothing...? Is there an international council of cool that meet once a month to decide what goes in here? I don't think anything I've ever worn or eaten has ever been particularly in vogue. I eat the food I do because I like it and I wear the things I do because they're either comfortable or make the most of me. The exception is now when all my clothes are utilitarian choices to house my pregnant body. Over the belly brown trousers with a black t-shirt? That's definitely way down the cool list. I haven't seen it for ages but I love Paul Merton's "Room 101" (which is probably not at all hot or cool) and my husband and I periodically amuse each other by saying what would go in if we were up there. People who park on verges for a starter. I'm sure that's a good indicator of all other sorts of social deviances (littering, NIMBY behaviour etc) but as I'm yet to get the proof that remains speculation. I am very pleased my new neighbour has decided that parking on the front lawn of the house he is renting is not cool.
Sunday 3rd August
How much green excitement can one woman take in a week? It's ironic that two of my best friends should e-mail on Tuesday to share news from The Woodland Trust (we are all tree lovers) that St Albans is going to be the site of the UK's largest new native forest when...only two days before Team Chivers had been wielding electric hedge trimmers, long-handled loppers and scary secateurs to bring our new domestic jungle under control. Perhaps I shouldn't admit I enjoyed destroying vegetation as much - if not more - than planting it. But never fear, I redeem my green credentials by being probably the most excited person in St Albans about having facilities at our new pad to recycle just about everything (although I have given up kidding myself that all those plastic berry boxes I've been throwing away all these years will get recycled along with my plastic bottles). Lost? In the UK (and please correct me if I'm wrong) there are currently no facilities for recycling plastics other than those found in bottles. So that means all those delicious punnets of blueberries, strawbs and rasps you've been munching through will end up in a landfill this summer. Depressing isn't it? Better get on my bike and pedal up to our nearest PYO.
Wednesday 2nd July
I'm writing and rewriting words in my head for an Amazon review of a
favourite author of mine, Lionel Shriver. Unfortunately, I can't find the
right words and given that all my reviews on Amazon are 5 star (my husband
criticises me for this but I only bother to leave a review of things I
think are truly great) I really do have to have some good ones to justify
my rating. I feel impotent against the greatness that is her turn of
phrase so just take my word that The Post-Birthday World is
excellent. It's her latest novel which explores the impact of a small
decision (to kiss or not to kiss a man who's not the protagonist's current
partner) and how choosing one road over another alters her life. It's
clever, engaging and although I'd describe it as literary, it's not 'hard'
or 'difficult.'
Books aside, I've been mainly talking for a living this past week:
Wednesday and Friday were spent chatting to journalists and DJs about
NIVEA Body's "Feelgood Economy" report that I was involved in (coaching
women to give and receive meaningful compliments - really interesting
stuff); Thursday was talking to a group of coaches about the psychology of
friendship and Tuesday was with M&S Line Managers working through how to
have positive performance conversations. Beyond writing and coaching this
week I'm packing boxes for our impending move; trying to fall in love with
a name for our unborn daughter; juggling delivery logistics (is it really
21st century etiquette to expect me to stay in from 8am - 6pm to take
delivery of a bed?) and looking forward to going out live on BBC Radio
Kent, tomorrow at 11am. Catch me if you can.
Saturday 7th June
So taken with the 'Mummy Break' of last week that I've made it the subject of my monthly column. Holidays, got to love them. It's given me an opportunity to read, read, read and note down amusing little quotes (now that's time on your hands....) like this one from Ian Banks in his latest novel The Steep Approach to Garbadale: "What do I really want? he thinks. This is, of course, an extremely good question. It was just a pity that, life being as it tended to be, it so rarely came as part of a matched pair, with an extremely good answer." So true my man, so true, and that's where I come in. Still on the book theme, I loved the page-turning Ice Trap by Kitty Sewell and am currently ensconced in Lionel Shriver's The Post-Birthday World. Next up is Richard Wiseman's Quirkology and the manuscript for the next Mind Gym book that I've been honoured with a copy of.
Thursday 29th May
The thing I love most about being on a holiday is getting up each day and not being a woman on a mission. No to-do lists, no hyper-efficiency, no balancing work with domesticity and children. Just a blank canvass where anything could happen. And that's exactly what I enjoyed in France last week. It's just so good to take life at a different speed, to rest and to rejuvenate which is why I'm staggered that - according to some polls - up to 2 in 10 of us don't use all of their annual holiday allowance. A funny thing I noticed, which is hardly surprising really, was that I could go to bed nearly 90 minutes later yet wake up at the normal time feeling totally refreshed. I realised that most of my life I'm so busy that I'm fairly whacked by bed most nights, be it from intensive coaching, gym-going, running round after a toddler and life in general. So I reflected that there's a lesson for me about trying to do more holiday type behaviour when I'm not actually 'on holiday'. And imagine the cash I'd save on trains, planes and holiday accommodation. Back in the office, my co-author and I have been busy tweaking our proposal and first chapter which is now in the hands of our would-be agent. Fingers crossed the story continues.
Tuesday 1st April
It's only blooming April and look how long it's been since I wrote something. Too busy writing things elsewhere and having a whale of a time. It's spring and the cyclical counting of all the good things in the Chivers Family's life has been done. The stars feel truly aligned at the moment with me being courted for various bits of media work (have a look at my column this month - when it's written! - about feeling the fear and doing it anyway); my wellness on the up after the first trimester of my pregnancy; husband being offered three jobs simultaneously and well, just doing lots of interesting professional things. Then there's a holiday en France to look forward to and possibly a new house. I've been working on the first chapter of a book about recovering from eating disorders (not personal experience of my own, but that of others - see my request for personal testimonies) as well as working with various groups on building team spirit and the how to create and nurture great people networks. I love the variety of my work and the 1:1 will always have a special place - this month I've been working with a couple of new clients in the legal arena on career decisions as well as one very dynamic personal trainer. According to my husband I am now "a complete person" as I have read George Orwell's 1984. What does that mean? "Complete Person" indeed. Answers on a postcard...
Wednesday 13th February
Hoorah for the small signs of spring, like hanging my washing outside and the bulbs we planted in October poking their heads up to meet the light. These faultless skies of blue do something to all of us that would be wonderful to capture in a bottle and save for the less brilliant days. But because that's not possible I've been playing with flowers one evening a week at my local college which has been an excellent way to feel uplifted in these still long nights. Other uplifting things of late have included being a finalist at the Ultra Woman 2008 awards (won by a most deserving police woman from Manchester), lazy days spent in Fowey watching crashing waves and the anticipation of a meeting at one of the UK's most prestigious literary agencies. I'm finally moving on a book idea with a talented author, Grace Bowman who's become a friend and we're keen to make it happen. More on that as and when things develop. Also this month I've been astounded by the fact that 25% of women of menstruating age aren't having regular periods. That's according to the research I'm doing with Professor Karen Pine (did you see the plug in Psychologies magazine last month?) Enjoy the light and persevere with a bit of austerity this Lent - it's making me feel good.
Wednesday 2nd January
Traditionally January is a time for reflecting on the past and making plans for the year ahead. Hence, 'January' from Roman mythology's 'Janus' - God of beginnings and endings. But I decided to start the new year by focussing on the present and being grateful for life as it is right now. Benazhir Bhutto's untimely death and the reading of Helen Dunmore's "The Siege" makes me thankful for the democratic society I live in. I did my 2008 life planning on a December morning spent by the roaring fire of an excellent friend of mine. We reflected on our values, our successes and disappointments of 2007 and pondered how we'd like to shape the year ahead. The theme for my year is "Experience not Guarantees" with broad goals for the various roles I play. What we both found interesting was the complete lack of material attainment in both our past reflections and future hopes. In contrast, I was stunned to read in the local rag that some keen consumers were rampaging through the Next sale at 4am last Thursday and so many people thought that would be a good way to spend their life that the shop closed several times due to H&S regulations. Bonkers. I was ice-skating and writing instead and today, picking up carrier bags full of other people's litter with my 'community-minded helper' hat on. Not literally of course.
Monday 26th November
Back in August I toiled over a not very bubbling cauldron of ideas for my entrance to the Women's Guardian editorial competition. Feeling my ideas to be nothing new, different or way-out-there enough I didn't enter. Now the winner has been announced and a runner up's idea of an article on random acts of feminism is being followed up. How about it? You can contribute your ideas by mailing women@guardian.co.uk. I had friends for dinner on Friday and noticed how good it feels to focus on the friendship first and everything else second. That's to say it didn't matter what we ate or how tidy the place was. Friendship is about time and interest and how often do we let other stuff get in the way? I was moved to tears at the beginning of the month by one woman's incredible transformation (Fay Dellimore) from a 14 stone, depressed and broken down individual into an Iron Man athlete. I shared her story with managers at M&S last week as a rousing opener to a session on how to inspire people. And I continue the inspirational theme into my leisure reading - I have Ranulph Fienne's autobiography at my bedside and that too makes nearly eye watering reading. Some human beings are almost another breed.
Thursday 18th October
I've been periodically dipping into survey responses to the research survey I'm doing with the University of Hertfordshire on women, emotions and spending. Yesterday a woman wrote and told us of her frustration at being a 'stay at home mum' without her own income and not having much else to do with her little one but shop once the baby classes have finished. How did it come to this I'm asking myself? Why is it that work and children have become so separate that previously engaged women feel so isolated and bored when with child? Google have the right idea so I read in The Times/Aurora report on where women want to work earlier this month - kids come fitted as standard in their offices. And why not? I can think of at least 10 good reasons why that would work. Musings aside, I've been working with Easyjet managers, OfCom consultants and M&S graduates over the last fortnight - flexing their mental muscles and coaching them in ways to expand their behavioural repertoire. Ooh Mrs! And with the help of a wicked little gizmo I motored myself to a PB in a 10K on Sunday so I've been working my own muscles too. This month I am enjoying Daphne Du Maurier and learning how to not leave the table until I have finished chewing (part of me cultivating my 'let's be consciously slow' attitude that I can turn on as appropriate).
Monday 17th September
In addition to new clients it's a fortnight of firsts. Last week my first group coaching session in a stately home garden; Friday my first live radio piece and yesterday my first boxercise class. This week (nearly) Sweden which (nearly) made me an international coach. Tomorrow a collaboration with author Grace Bowman and a first meeting with another admired coach. Two first birthday parties, an invitation to my first fashion show at London Fashion Week and, appallingly for a woman who likes to do things locally, my first trip to the Alban Arena on Friday evening. Finally a first trip to Fifteen Cornwall. What a scrumptious week. So much enjoyment from firsts - what firsts are you planning this month?
Friday 24th August
Damn and blast, I've been pipped at the post to air the last taboo. Corinne Maier, author of "No Kid: 40 Reasons Not To Have Children" featured in the UK media yesterday warning women to stay away from motherhood (she has two offspring). This was an issue I'd hoped to explore if my bid to win a week editing the women's section of the Guardian had been successful. Scrabbling round for weeks to find five edgy stories, this was my big hit. But I'd been wondering whether to give it up as a bad job and when Maier's story featured in The Daily Mail yesterday the coffin was nailed. You win some, you lose some and it frees me up to work on research into women's spending habits research with Hertfordshire University. The funny thing is though, the Guardian only ran a paragraph on Maier so maybe my big idea of exploding the last taboo wasn't so big after all? The sun's broken through after a seven day holiday so roll on bank holiday weekend.
Monday 30th July 2007
Have you ever made a point of listening to the sound of silence? Not the track by S&G but the stillness that settles around you when you're removed from the general population? No, my lack of journal entry since June has not been due to solitary confinement (although I did find myself inside a police station this weekend when some dillis pranged my car at Waitrose, saw me watch her do it then drive off without saying a word. Bizarre) but due to holidays and busyness developing a new website. Drumroll please! I hope to reveal the new site in September when I've rewritten the content to slide into my designer's creation. Back to the silence....we spent a week in the Cornish countryside about a mile from the sea and the stillness enveloped and restored me. The crashing waves were fantastic too. It's inspired me to write about being alive for August's column. Everyone needs regular access to restorative activities.
Thursday 7th June
A lady from the St Albans Observer called at the beginning of the week asking if she could print the letter of praise I sent in. What letter I thought. She was referring to the quick e-m I dashed off to one of the reporters about something good she'd done. It occurred to me just how short we are in offering praise that my few words could mean so much. I love to receive little gestures like that too and I get them from women touched by my writing and my clients. I've been told my monthly thoughts are a missed revenue stream and perhaps they are but so long as I get the little (important) words I'll keep writing. I'm going to write a few words about myself for the Aristoc Ultra Woman Awards. The potential for recognition could take my work to new audiences.
Monday 28th May
I believe in book therapy and what a surprise to find Hertfordshire libraries running a scheme called "Books on Prescription". I wonder how they put it together? I am involved in the work of psychologists Fletcher and Pine and their 'No Diet Diet' approach to weight-loss. I write for their online programme and the book is currently being serialised in The Daily Telegraph to mark the second edition. It's now in over 20 languages. Back in the Be You But Better fold I'm throwing ideas around for a book of my own whilst other members of the family work on their second. What a life we love to live. Minds were moved at The Thinking Woman's Playtime on Tuesday and at least one lady decided to switch her TV off for an evening and do something less boring instead. The Chelsea Flower Show was superb on Friday and I wonder if there's a way to still be amazed by what you see two hours later...after a bit you start to take the fantastic creativity for granted. I loved Patio Povera!
Thursday 17th May 2007
I sometimes think about how very popular hairdressers manage to keep taking on new clients. I mean, if people like their hair cutting every 6-8 weeks (that's not me given the price of a cut these days) then how can they possibly service them all given there's only so much time in a week? The answer is, they don't. Some people have to wait longer to have their hair trimmed. And that's exactly the conclusion I've come to, to save my sanity with regard to all the things I want to do with my time. All of us have 24 hours a day and the happy person is the one that makes good time choices and has no regrets. So it is that I am choosing to spend less time keeping the kitchen work surfaces clean, folding bathroom towels and dusting my desk to spend more time coaching, tickling my son and singing "Hot Cross Buns" in as many daft ways as I can. TV is down to one hour a week (The Apprentice is a must if only for the comedy value that is Tre) so I can read more of Nick Baylis' book and work on my own. The list goes on. What I'm not doing is lowering my horizons, just constantly tweaking my priorities.
Monday 30th April 2007
Carol Midgeley's 'Bargain Hunter' column made me smile yesterday (Saturday's Times) as she talked about the "War on Want". It occurred to me on Wednesday how daft I'd be (and shame on me for diarising the purchase) to pay £5 for the must-have "I'm not a Plastic Bag" creation of Anya Hindmarch when a) I'm not a must-have kind of person, b) it is made overseas and c) I have been using my IKEA bags to buy my shopping for the last 4 years. We had friends for lunch a couple of weeks ago and thoroughly dissected the subject of wanting. I think I'm not much of a wanter but then I notice the little thoughts creeping up on me. Be quiet I say and bury my nose in the most fabulous psychology book I have ever read. It was with great pleasure that I watched participants scribbling the title down in a seminar I did for a big drugs company last week. To people everywhere who are curious about what is to be truly happy, take Nick Baylis' book into your hearts and apply it with your head. Learning from Wonderful Lives is a book for everyone. And then of course, so is exercise. I made it to the 1 hour mark yesterday and am confident about a sub-hour time for my 10K next month. The blossom tree outside my son's window moved me so much I wrote a list of things I am grateful for before breakfast this morning. It took only a couple of minutes and being able to fill an A4 page that quickly is better than an Anya Hindmarch bag any day.
Friday 13th April 2007
This weather makes me perkier than ever and how alive I felt running across the fields on Monday morning. The 10K cross-country challenge is looking better. I'm wondering about joining my brother on his three peaks challenge, although the thought of losing of a night's sleep is too much. And talking of nodding off, the makers of Monopoly have astounded me with news that we nolonger have the attention span to play a board game. How sad and boring is that? And then there was the bloke featured on The Money Programme a couple of weeks ago who uses the UK's most exclusive lifestyle management company to do things like shop for a pal's wedding present. I ask myself, what are these people saving their time for? And isn't getting someone else to purchase something so personal like handing part of the friendship over? I said in all seriousness, as though he could hear me, why didn't his lifestyle manager just go to the wedding for him? Time-saving aside, I've been learning to tie knots this week. All in the name of doing something random/different/interesting once a week. I've also learnt about the patron saints of the UK, both courtesy of the Dangerous Book for Boys.
Monday 26th March
Between writing to The Times about soporific salons, researching UK parking laws, coaching and answering my latest batch of LOOK readers' problems I've met a TV producer and been wondering what it would be like to take my coaching skills on screen. Apparently I have a nice face but we'll see whether the face and my ideas fit the bill in the coming weeks. I've been freecycling again, this time an out of date M&S pudding (one man's meat and all that) and sorry to say I haven't been doing much of the other cycling in recent weeks. More of that now the better weather is on it's way. I'm in training for a 10K run in May so every little bit of fitness helps.
Saturday 17th March
Now that it's come to public's attention that scientists can't agree on what's causing the world to heat up I'm wondering what effect it'll have on Joe Bloggs and her attitude to collecting green points instead of taking carrier bags at Tesco...and all the other little bits that might just help to save the planet. I did my first 'freecycling' this week and boy what a response I had to my unwanted IKEA kitchen chairs. What a great idea. See www.uk.freecycle.org. Also this week I launched The Thinking Woman's Playtime and let spring rush into my social calendar and freshen me up. In a bid to rejuvenate my social life and expand my world I'm challenging myself to spend one night a week doing something other than writing, reading or film/television. This week I went to get busy with paints and brushes at Pots of Art, St Albans and next week I've got a visit to Hertfordshire University's observatory. Venus, Saturn, Mars here I come. I thought it might be fun to place an ad in the local rag asking people to invite me along to their club/society/meetings as a one-off. Like other women with children I want to get out of the house but not necessarily to do the same things and certainly not to sit around drinking tea or sipping Chardonnay- I can do that with my son during the day, any day. So for now my free time is about doing something different. And still in the doing something different frame I've been Pescatarian for a week. On Monday, beef will never have tasted so good.
Sunday 4th March
At a National Childbirth Trust nearly-new sale today it occurred to me just how many organisations survive and thrive because of volunteers. Imagine where coastal communities would be without the lifeboat crews or charity shops without their army of collectors, sorters and cashiers. And they're just the obvious ones. I think there's probably a day devoted to volunteers and if there isn't then Hallmark Cards would do well to cash in on it. The ladies and gents today did a sterling job and without them I wouldn't have bagged a few bargains and helped save the planet with my reuse-as-far-as-possible mentality. Still on an eco theme I watched Al Gore's "An Inconvenient Truth" this week which was inspiring, entertaining and disturbing. It's scary that powerful people are still denying the facts and that Joe Bloggs and his Missus continue to act without thinking. God love Tesco for their green carrier bag points. Well, every little helps. And thinking about food, I was musing to myself as I thought about whether to eat another square of chocolate last night, that people on diets really do have a dreadful time of it. It occupies so much mind space and imagine just what they could do with that mental capacity if it wasn't used up worrying, feeling guilty and weighing up food decisions. I reckon it's all about absorbing your mind in something far more interesting and eating on purpose when you have a genuine desire. In fact I've made it a rule to enjoy sugar treats only when I can concentrate fully on tasting every last bit.
Saturday 17th February
I often muse about the power our actions have to move other people. I'm very fond of smiling because of it's positive ripple effect. It also makes people wonder what you're up to. But on a more serious note, a smile can save lives. According to the diary of someone who jumps to their death in the film "The Bridge" if just one person had smiled at them they wouldn't have done it. I find it astounding that someone could place their life in the hands of such a random event. However (my musing continues) that's what lots of people do every day with regard to their futures. Think about the would-be-lottery-winners waiting for their ideal life or the woman who places her career in the hands of fate, patiently waiting to be picked for promotion. For most of us it doesn't happen like that which is why need to take responsibility for doing what we can to create the life we want. That's one of the things I do in my work and that makes me smile.
Tuesday 22nd January 2007
I am learning how to spin plates. It was not my intention to become a circus act but that's what I've become since deciding to pick up with some of my pre-baby activities and also add some more things into the mix. Like applying for PhD funding, setting up The Thinking Woman's Playtime (more on this in the coming weeks), finding childcare and writing for a new national magazine that's about to launch. I also hold regular chimps tea parties. Modern motherhood is a fantastic way to develop juggling abilities and every day I see just how many balls I can keep up in the air. That's ball in the air, not a balls-up. I am hopeful and energetic about all there is to make happen out there even with a small person in my life. Being a mummy is great and being other things as well is also great. It's all about getting the balance right and being flexible each day about what's important, what's relevant, what matters.